Today was a Sad day. Some days are Joyful. Some are Mad. Some are Thankful, or Tired, or Too Much. But today felt Sad. And yet, even in the darkness…the overwhelm…the chaos, panic and endlessness, there is light.
It comes in the form of baby kicks when I lay awake in the middle of the night. The colored pencil creation of a unicorn named “Sparkletoot,” brought to life by my third grader. The squeals of my youngest three as they have a pillow fight on my bed. It comes in the form of small packages delivered by our church, the sun streaming through our sheer lace curtains, a blended chocolate coffee drink surprise that my husband made unexpectedly and brings to me as I sit and wallow in the melancholy.
He is home from work, furloughed for the time being. I am pregnant with our fifth child, filled with a mix of anxiety, gratitude, confusion, and joy. Life is uncertain and so some days are Sad. But I can pull a doughnut out of the freezer to comfort myself. I can take the baby for a walk in the sunshine. I can notice the way the golden light falls beautifully onto the flowers in the neighbor’s yard. I can take a nap. I can take a bath. I can take an hour to bake muffins with my oldest, knowing this is something we so rarely get to do together, knowing how it’s filling her cup, and mine, even on a Sad day.
And it was a Sad day, not the first nor the last, but it wasn’t filled with 86,400 seconds of sadness. There were bright moments, moments of light.
Those will be my beacon, even on the darkest day.